I Want You Back Page 4

  “Exactly. And you can’t be that into me after just an hour either,” she volleyed back.

  Dammit. I kept my temper in check, but that allowed sarcasm to escape. “You’re wrong. And your generalization is annoying.”

  “Poor man. The fact I’m always right is annoying to those who are usually wrong.”

  I laughed. “You don’t fool me, hot stuff. I figured out a couple of key things about you in the past hour.”

  “Like what?”

  “You get off on being argumentative.” I watched as she struggled—and lost—against the urge to argue with me.

  “I’m only argumentative when the situation warrants it,” she retorted.

  “You’re stubborn.”

  “So? It’s better to be a mule doing the kicking rather than be the one getting kicked around.”

  “You like me.”

  That caught her off guard. “I sort of like you.”

  “Then put that stubbornness aside and let me prove that we’re not mismatched.”

  The food arrived.

  I didn’t push her to talk.

  But I caught her sneaking thoughtful, slightly confused glances at me as I wolfed down all but three slices of our pizza.

  After we’d finished our beers and I’d fought her on being allowed to pay the full bill and not going halvsies—whatever the fuck that was—with her, she cut right to the chase.

  “You get one shot at proving you know me after only two hours in my company, Jaxson. Meet me back here tomorrow night at six P.M.” She slid out of the booth and challenged, “If you don’t show up . . .”

  Then I’d have proved her “mismatched” theory.

  The fuck that was gonna happen.

  “Oh, I’ll be here, Lucy Q. Count on it.”

  * * *

  • • •

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, pulling me out of the memory.

  I ended the timer that reminded me to take my medication before bed.

  As I brushed my teeth, my mind was still in the past. Specifically how easy it’d been to be with Lucy from the start. I’d never had that type of relationship with any other woman, and it killed me—killed me—that I’d screwed it up so completely with her.

  It was a long damn time before I fell asleep.

  Three

  LUCY

  Sunday afternoon I’d arrived at Lola’s retirement party earlier than I’d planned.

  Jax wasn’t there yet. And Mimi’s phone call yesterday had been so brief I had no idea what fun things Daddy had planned for them.

  Part of me was happy he took his daughter places for them to spend time together, just the two of them, doing whatever her heart desired, damn the cost. Part of me carried resentment that I’d never had the luxury of extra cash until four years ago when Jax stepped up his monetary support.

  I made the rounds, chatting with other clerical staff members of Lund Industries. As much as I loved working for LI, there was a line between management and the rest of us—evidenced by the separation of the groups on opposite sides of the conference room.

  I’d volunteered to help Lennox Lund decorate for Lola’s party, since Lennox’s pregnancy prevented her from standing on ladders. Lennox hadn’t worked in Lola’s department for a few years, but she still maintained tight ties with the “floaters”—the term given to the in-house temp service. As a party organizer, I had a legitimate excuse to disappear behind the scenes, restocking plates and forks. Refilling the punch bowl. I’d just cracked open a new can of nuts, when I heard, “Lucy, dear? Are you back here?”

  Why had Jaxson’s mother come looking for me?

  “Yes, Edie. Be right there.” I exited the pantry with the jumbo can in one hand and the can opener in the other. I smiled at her.

  Edie Lund was a stunning woman. With her dark hair cut into an asymmetrical bob that brushed one shoulder, she looked hip and approachable, not like a stuffy socialite married to one of the richest men in Minnesota. Her clothing was stylish whether she dressed in a trendy business suit for her position at Lund Cares Community Outreach, or whether she was home, in cropped jeans and a gauzy blouse as she tended her gardens. She was shorter than me, which put her at around five foot two, but she always wore four-inch heels. I used to joke with Jaxson that even if the house was on fire, Edie would still take the time to strap on her stilettos.

  Even in the darkest times between Jax and me, Edie was never cold or cruel to me or indifferent to Mimi. That’s why I had allowed her to create a bond with her granddaughter. Edie never asked why I denied her son contact with his daughter, she never commented on the court battles Jax instigated, she never defended or attempted to explain Jaxson’s behavior. The only time she voiced her opinion was when Nolan and his father, Archer, threatened to file for custody of Mimi. Edie refused to have any part of taking Mimi away from me, and she made sure I knew she’d fight her husband and her sons on their ego-fed scheme. She was a wonderful grandma, and anytime I needed extra help with Mimi, she jumped in, no questions asked.

  “Well, lookit you, Lucy.” Her eyes, identical to Jaxson’s in shape and color, perused me from head to toe. “You are a vision in that dress.”

  I blushed. “Thanks. It’s a little formal for daily office wear, so I pull it out when the occasion warrants it.” I’d worn it on my date with Damon too.

  “I have a closetful of special occasion dresses, most of which I’ve worn exactly once. Part and parcel of being wife to the CEO, but it seems like such a waste.”

  “You should take them to your seamstress. I’ve seen her work and she’s amazing. She can repurpose and refashion them.”

  “I love that you’re so practical. I was going to let Mimi have them as dress-up clothes.”

  “God no. She’d take scissors to them and make clothes for her stuffed animals.”

  Edie laughed. “True. Where is my sweet girl?”

  I frowned. “She’s with Jax this weekend. Didn’t they hang out with you and Archer?”

  “No. I didn’t hear a word from them.”

  “Huh. Well, Jax is coming to this party with Mimi.”

  “I’ll just text him and find out where they are. I think Lola is ready to escape, and he’ll miss her if he doesn’t arrive soon.”

  My return to the party went unnoticed—just how I liked it. I fussed around the food table. Rearranged the presents. Checked my watch.

  Just then my little ray of sunshine burst in, looked around for me and then made a beeline in my direction. The girl was out of breath by the time she reached me.

  “Mommy. You’ll never guess what we did last night!”

  “Wrestled alligators?”

  She giggled. “No. Better than that.”

  “You ate the sundae extravaganza at Minnehaha Scoop?”

  “Huh-uh. Even better than that!”

  “Oh, sweetheart, there ain’t nothing better than that.”

  She was shifting from foot to foot with excitement. “Cinderella is better than ice cream.”

  “What?”

  “Daddy took me to see the play Cinderella! There was singing and dancing and princess dresses and it was so awesome! Then he bought me a sparkly crown and Cinderella princess pajamas! And he even let me wear the crown to bed!”

  Getting tickets for a musical? That didn’t sound like something Jax would do on his own. “Who went with you?”

  “Nobody. Just me and Daddy.”

  Before I could ask her anything else, Jaxson sauntered into the room. He took in the crowd, giving a nod or a dip of his chin to people he knew. When his eyes met mine, he stopped moving.

  Immediately I felt the silent pull between us that we’d both attempted to ignore. Even now that wistful feeling of want flowed through me. And the sardonic twist of his lips let me know he felt it too.

  Jax started toward me,
and I didn’t feign interest in anything or anyone else.

  With his long-legged stride eating up the distance between us, his eyes seemed to eat me up too. By the time he finally reached me, my heart pounded like a snare drum.

  His big body blocked mine from everyone in the room. So no one saw him circle his massive hand around my biceps and lean in to brush those perfect lips over my jaw as he murmured, “Hey, Luce.”

  My breath caught.

  “You look phenomenal, as usual.” His lips skated up, across my cheekbone to the spot in front of my ear. “Christ, you smell even better.”

  “Jaxson.”

  “There’s Grandma!” Mimi said and raced off.

  His sweet, focused affectionate side still had the power to affect me.

  “Sorry we’re late.” He eased back just enough to look into my face.

  “No biggie. I have to stay and clean up.”

  “Need some help?”

  I locked my gaze to his, momentarily losing my train of thought when I saw the sincerity in those mesmerizing eyes.

  He grinned. “Babe. That wasn’t a trick question.”

  Babe. That term snapped me out of my moon-eyed gaze. Wasn’t that Jaxson “Stonewall” Lund’s default term when he couldn’t recall his flavor of the night’s name? “No need to stick around. I’m sure you’ve got better things to do.”

  Jaxson’s smile dropped. “That wasn’t what I asked. Are you pulling the ‘I’m a one-woman band’ bullshit line like you always do when anyone offers you help?” He paused. “Or is it only when I offer help?”

  My cheeks flamed. Damn man saw too much. He always had when I’d interested him enough to look. “You want to vacuum up cake crumbs, have at it.” I looked away.

  “See?” He crouched down to force my attention back to him. “That wasn’t so hard. And I’m fully versed in janitorial duties after another summer of pushing the broom at Camp Step-Up, remember?”

  That caused me to smile. “I still can’t believe that Jensen couldn’t find a position for you besides in the janitorial sector.”

  “That’s because my cousin is aware that I have few usable skills besides shooting a puck.”

  Automatically I said, “That’s not true.”

  “Yeah? Ask me what I’ve been doing the past six months at LI.”

  “Okay. Jaxson Lund, eldest of the next generation of the Lund family dynasty, what have you been doing in these hallowed halls since your retirement from your glorious hockey career?”

  “I’ve missed that sarcastic mouth. You still can’t repeat back a simple question, can you?”

  “Nope. That’s what we graphic designers do—add extra flourishes. It’s the same question, Jax, so hit me with your answer.”

  “I have no idea what I’ve been doing, Luce. Dad sends me to ‘train’ at various departments, but I haven’t learned a damn thing besides how big and complicated this company truly is. I’m as lost as the intern I found sobbing in the break room last month. And trust me, I knew exactly how she felt.”

  His distress was so genuine, without thought I put my hand on his chest to try and soothe him. “Have you talked to anyone about this?”

  “You’re the first.” He covered my hand with his. “My dad is the CEO. As the oldest Lund son, he was groomed for the position by his father. As my grandfather was groomed in the same way by his father. Now the grooming cycle begins with me. Except I’ve spent minimal time in these ‘hallowed halls,’ because from the time I held that hockey stick in my hand at age eight, that’s all I ever wanted. Period. I only went to college to appease my parents and to play hockey. I have a degree in business and no idea how to use it to benefit a company this size. How am I supposed to talk to my family about this? Like you said, I’m the oldest. By all rights, and historically in the Lund family, I’m next in line for that CEO position. Imagining being at the helm of this billion-dollar company scares the shit out of me, Luce. Like panic attack type fear that’s keeping me up at night. It’s not me being macho or trying to save face when I say that none of my family members will understand—not my dad, not Ash, not Brady, not Annika, not Uncle Ward, not Uncle Monte, and especially not Nolan, who are all super invested and committed to LI.”

  “Oh, Jax.”

  “Everyone is cutting me way too much slack. They claim I’ll find my footing. That I’ll eventually settle in. But I know in my gut that’s never gonna happen. So I’ve been playing along just the same as I’ve always done since they put me on the board of directors when I was twenty-two.”

  “What can I do?”

  Jax rested his forehead to mine. “You’re doing it.”

  “Just listening?”

  “Yeah.” He inhaled a deep breath.

  His exhale fanned across my lips, and I steeled myself not to tremble from this intimacy.

  “Shit. Sorry. I didn’t mean to blurt all of this out. I know that we haven’t been each other’s confidants for a long time, but you were the one person in my life I could talk to.” He squeezed my hand. “I miss that. I miss this. I never fully understood what I had with you until it—and you—were gone.”

  My entire body stiffened.

  He sighed and retreated. “And there was another confession that I hadn’t intended to make today.”

  “Just today?” The words slipped out before I could stop them.

  His haunted eyes searched mine. “There’s so much between us that we’ve never addressed. So much hurt and anger. Frustration and lies. I get that the past is the past, Luce, I really do. To some extent, we’re both still stuck there. Or dwelling on it, which means we’ve never truly dealt with our past the way we need to. I wasn’t in a position to ask for that from you. I’m not talking about forgiveness.”

  “Then what are you talking about, Jax?”

  “Hoping at some point we can have a conversation. An uninterrupted conversation that has nothing to do with Mimi and everything to do with what happened between us. What went wrong when everything started out so right.”

  Your infidelity and your inability to see a life off the ice ruined everything.

  “I can tell you want to say something to me, so just go ahead and spit it out.”

  The words that had been stuck inside me for so long dislodged themselves from that dark place and exited my mouth in a rush. “You’re absolutely right.”

  Jax went utterly still. “Please say that again so I know I wasn’t hearing what I wanted to hear.”

  “You’re right. Before either of us can move on, we should deal with our past. We should . . . talk.”

  The relief on his handsome face and the way he suddenly had difficulty swallowing assured me I’d said the right thing, even if following through with this conversation would be excruciating for both of us.

  “Thank you.”

  Before I could respond, Mimi crashed into us, worming her way between our bodies, which were way closer than usual. I stepped back, and if Mimi noticed I’d been touching her father . . . Oh, who was I kidding? She didn’t pay attention to stuff like that.

  “Mommy, can I have cake?”

  I looked at Jax. “Has she already had cake today?” Mimi’s favorite place was Wuollet Bakery because they crafted the most beautiful, elaborate cupcakes, and she begged her dad to take her there every weekend.

  Jax shook his head. “After our late night at the play, we slept in today, so we didn’t eat brunch until one. She had a waffle but no desserts.”

  “So is that yes?” Mimi demanded.

  “Yes. One piece. Have Grandma help you.”

  Mimi’s freckled nose wrinkled. “I’m not a baby. I don’t need help getting cake.”

  She skipped off and I caught Edie’s eye. She gave me a quick nod and arrived at the cake table at the same time as her granddaughter.

  “Something did happen with Mimi th
at we need to talk about,” Jaxson said.

  My gaze zoomed back to him. “What?”

  Jax barely took a breath as he relayed the incident, and I had to admit to myself that was probably my fault since I tended to interrupt him whenever we discussed a Mimi issue. I hadn’t known how often I did that until my sister, Lindsey, had been at my apartment when Jax had dropped Mimi off and she’d pointed it out. So I swore I’d try to listen fully before I cut in.

  After a long minute or so, time that Jax allowed me to think without interruption, I said, “You did exactly what I would’ve done. Not letting her play with Calder over the weekend . . . clever little bonus punishment, Daddy, because you know how much she loves her cousin.”

  He flashed a quick smile. “I hoped you’d think so.”

  “I won’t bring it up with her unless she says something to me first.”

  “Cool. What else is on the Mimi agenda this week?”

  “I’m working from noon to eight P.M. on Wednesday, filling in for Jonna. Could you pick Mimi up from school and take her to your place until I’m done? Then I’ll swing by and pick her up.”

  “Why don’t you have her spend the night with me? That way you can work as late as you want and not have to worry Meems is missing her bedtime. I’ll get her to school on Thursday.”

  I glanced over at our daughter when I heard her laugh. My eyes narrowed on the one piece of cake she’d chosen that filled up the entire plate.

  Then Jax’s hand touched beneath my chin, tipping my face back to meet his gaze.

  “I’ll get her to school on time. I promise.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  “She . . .” Just spit it out. Mimi is his daughter. “She’s really difficult early in the morning on school days.”

  Jax’s gaze turned shrewd. “You think I don’t know this? Or that I can’t handle it?”

  “You don’t know about this bratty behavior because I’m so mortified by it that I haven’t told anyone.”

  “Not even me?”

  “No. It’s my fault that I let her get away with it. I feel like a pushover and a failure, and yet I do nothing to change it.”