Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy Book 1) Page 13

  “That’s the most flattering thing you’ve ever said to me.”

  She poked me in the chest. “It wasn’t meant to be, jackass. I’m getting caught up in the whirlwind of you and when it stops and spits me out, I won’t know where—or who—I am.”

  “I am not going anywhere this time.” I kissed her forehead. Her cheeks. Her mouth. “Don’t run. Please.”

  “I’m not running, but this…reminded me of the last time we kissed. It reminded me that you have the power to break me.”

  “Listen to me.” I trapped her face in my hands. “The only reason I came to Phoenix is because you’re here. There. I fucking said it. You. Are. It. For. Me. You always have been. So that power to fucking crush a heart to dust? Runs both ways.” I dropped my hands before I used them to shake some damn sense into her. I forced myself to step back. I forced myself to start walking away.

  “That little confession isn’t helping clear my head, West,” she yelled at me.

  I turned and smiled at her—not a nice smile. “It wasn’t supposed to. See you around, McKay.”

  I tossed and turned for hours after I’d left the bar.

  I’d known that Boone would kiss me. I’d wanted it. So when it finally happened tonight…I thought I’d prepared myself.

  What a joke.

  Reliving the sheer perfection of how thoroughly he’d kissed me was making my breath catch even now.

  It was just a kiss.

  No matter how many times I told myself that…I didn’t believe it.

  It hadn’t felt like just a kiss.

  Looking into Boone’s eyes, I knew it hadn’t felt that way for him either.

  And then he’d told me the truth.

  The only reason I came to Phoenix is because you’re here. There. I fucking said it. You. Are. It. For. Me.

  So his kiss hadn’t been to remind me of the past; it’d been a promise for the future.

  A future I never thought we’d have.

  Because the first time he kissed me was also the last time I saw him. For seven years.

  God. I didn’t want that to happen again.

  I shut my eyes.

  Every sight, sound, scent and feeling I’d had that night crashed over me. Sleep wouldn’t come but the memories did…

  The bright moon glow that night had sent silvery light across the clearing.

  Seemed a little strange, Boone calling me out of the blue and asking me to meet him. I hoped it meant something more than he was bored.

  I ignored the snarky voice in my head, asking why I went running every time Boone West crooked his little finger at me. But I hadn’t seen him since his graduation. He’d slipped back into the not-returning-texts zone. School had ended two days ago and my summer plans were still up in the air.

  I put my car in park and killed the ignition. Butterflies danced in my belly. Where had this nervousness come from? I was out here with Boone. Mr. Trustworthy. Mr. Oblivious.

  His butt rested against his motorcycle seat. His booted feet crossed at the ankle. His arms folded over his chest. He wore a super tight T-shirt which displayed the ripped muscles in his arms and the ridges in his lower abdomen. I’d seen that shirt on him a dozen times and every time I whispered a little thank you to the T-shirt gods.

  Stop gawking at him.

  Nothing wrong with being attracted to my best guy buddy.

  Was there?

  No. Especially when he didn’t have a clue how I felt.

  I walked up to him, my hands jammed into the back pockets of my jeans. “You summoned me?”

  Boone frowned at my attire. “Wasn’t tonight the dance?”

  “No. It was last night.”

  “Oh. Was it fun?”

  “I don’t know. I skipped it.”

  “But…you said that night at the lake you wanted to go.”

  I shrugged. “Marin is at her grandma’s for a week so she wasn’t going. Besides, they probably only played country music.”

  “You should’ve gone.”

  But I knew you wouldn’t be there.

  “You asked me here to chew my ass about a dance I didn’t go to?”

  “No.”

  “What are you doing out here, anyway? Did your bike break down again?”

  “Funny. It was a great night for a ride. I lost track of time. When I pulled over, I realized I wasn’t far from your place.”

  “So you called me.” Instead of just showing up at my house. That made no sense. Especially if Boone thought I was at the dance. What was going on with him? He acted…jumpy.

  “You got any decent tunes in that piece of crap car you’re driving these days?” he asked.

  The Mercedes was hardly a piece of crap and he knew it. Boone also knew that the only reason my dad had bought it was for the safety features, including an excess of air bags after the air bag in my first car failed to deploy during my car accident. “I’ll play music as long as you don’t bitch about what it is.”

  “Deal.”

  After I rolled down the windows, I plugged my iPod into the stereo system. I mimicked his pose against the car, standing opposite him.

  Boone grinned when the music started. “Foo Fighters. Cool.”

  “Don’t get used to it. The next song might be by Flogging Molly.”

  “I don’t even know what the hell that is, McKay. You’re more ur-bane than me.”

  “Right. Seriously, West, what’s up? It’s not like you to text me, demanding I meet you out in the middle of nowhere. Especially this late.”

  He lifted an eyebrow. “Since when is ten late?”

  “Since my dad grills me about where I’m going at ten at night and who I’m going with.”

  “Did you tell him you were meeting me?”

  “Yeah.” I smirked. “He said not to let you drive my car.”

  “Smartass.” Boone paused and tipped his head toward the sky. “As much as I love how bright the moon is, I miss seeing the stars on nights like this.”

  “Me too.”

  Neither of us said anything for several minutes.

  “But this moon-gazing shit is killing my neck.” He moved to lean next to me and my pulse skipped a beat. “Much better. So, what are your plans for this summer?”

  “I’ve thought about becoming a carny.”

  “Yeah? What’s the appeal? Getting hooked on meth? Hooked on pot? Hooked on fried food? Or is it getting to rip off little kids every day? Maybe you’ll grow a mustache and get a bad tattoo.”

  I laughed. “You’ve weighed the pros and cons way more than I have. I was just in it for the unlimited cotton candy.”

  “What’s option two for your summer?”

  He was more persistent than usual, so I hedged, in case he had a specific reason for asking my plans—like he wanted to spend the summer with me. “I don’t know. It depends.”

  “On?”

  “How much my mom and dad argue over me and where I should be. My mom’s boyfriend bought a place in Paris with an extra bedroom, so she wants me to stay at least half the summer with her.” I shot him a sideways warning glance. “I haven’t mentioned this to my dad yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just found out yesterday. He’ll ask me what I want to do, and like I said, I’m not sure.”

  “But he gives you a vote in your options?”

  “Yes. What about you? Now that you’ve graduated, what are your plans?”

  “Well, that’s the reason I asked you to meet me.”

  My stomach performed a hopeful summersault.

  But as usual, he didn’t elaborate. He just kept looking skyward.

  “Boone? I’m lousy at guessing games, remember? So just tell me.”

  “I won’t be here this summer because I joined the army.”

  I gave him a ten-second pause and hip-checked him. “You have a bizarre sense of humor sometimes.”

  He faced me. “I’m not joking. I joined the army.”

  A sick feeling took root as I realized he was seri
ous. Then I…exploded. “Why would you just up and do that?”

  “It wasn’t an impulsive decision. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

  “How long?”

  “Almost three years. Since my youth forestry counselor suggested it when I was sixteen.”

  And this was the first time he’d mentioned it? After all the time we’d spent together? “But we’re at war! The military sends the newest recruits over there.” Another horrible thought occurred. “You’ve got medical training, which means they’ll put you on the first cargo plane and drop you right in the middle of a combat zone.”

  “Sierra. That’s what I want.”

  “To get yourself killed?” I demanded.

  “No, to help keep others from dying.”

  “But you do that every day as an EMT.”

  “It’s not the same. I can’t make a living as an EMT in rural Wyoming. I’m tired of being broke and there are a lot of things I’d like to do with my life that I can’t do if I’m stuck here.”

  “Then go to college like normal people do.”

  Boone scowled at me. “If I don’t have money for a car do you really think I’ve got money to go to college? Or that anyone will lend me the money?”

  “Then we’ll ask my dad. He’ll float you a loan. Heck, he’d probably just give you the money since you saved my life.”

  He pushed off the car. “I don’t want your money or your charity.”

  “What? I’m only trying to help. You took that the wrong way.”

  “Did I? What part of making it on my own is confusing to you? I have to do this. I want to do this.”

  “So there’s no talking you out of it.”

  Boone shook his head. “It’s a done deal.”

  I wanted to scream at him, throw myself at his feet and beg him not to go, but that was the epitome of childish. Instead, I tossed off a breezy, “Fine. Whatever. Go be a hero. Get yourself killed. Later.” I sidestepped him and ducked around the front of the car, hoping to make it inside before my tears were obvious.

  But he latched onto my upper arms and forced me to look at him. “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  His gaze roamed over my face. “Then why are you crying?” he demanded softly.

  “Because I hate that you’re doing this stupid thing. And I hate you.” The last word came out as a sob.

  “No, baby, you don’t.”

  “Don’t call me that!”

  “Sierra. Come here.”

  “No! Don’t touch me.”

  “You don’t mean that either.” Boone crushed me to his chest.

  I fought him for a few seconds, swinging punches that didn’t land, yelling and thrashing, but he just held on. I gave up fighting the pull of him and clung to him as I cried.

  How many times had I imagined Boone holding me, stroking my hair and murmuring sweet things to me? Hundreds.

  But never like this.

  My voice was muffled against his chest when I finally spoke. “When do you go?”

  “Tomorrow morning.”

  I squirmed away from him. “You’re just telling me now? When did you sign up?”

  Boone looked away.

  “Tell me.”

  “Three days after your accident.”

  All the air left my lungs. I forced my lips to form the word why.

  “Because that night at Tyler’s party when I told him we were together? I wanted it to be real.”

  “You think I would’ve shot you down?”

  “No.” His eyes were locked on mine. “I know you would’ve said yes.”

  My cheeks burned with mortification; he’d known how I felt all along.

  “You understand my history. Since I was twelve years old I’ve been counting off the damn days until I can get the hell out of Wyoming. Last fall, the start of my senior year, I was taking the prep classes I needed and I was getting a year of practical experience as an EMT and moving on was finally within my grasp. And then you showed up.

  “From the moment we met on the bus, you sucked me in. You were so gorgeous, feisty, funny and sweet—and so easy to talk to. I tried to stay away from you, but something about you, Sierra, just kept pulling me back.”

  I stared at him, absolutely speechless.

  “That night at the party I wanted to kill Tyler for thinking he had the right to put his hands on you. After the accident, I about lost my fucking mind because you were hurt… That’s when I knew you could keep me here. If I got involved with you, like I wanted to, I wouldn’t leave. And I have to leave. I had to have a solid plan to go so I enlisted.”

  “No.” I found my voice and said it louder. “No.” Then I was screaming at him. “No, no, no, no, no! You don’t get to do this to me, Boone. You don’t get to treat me like a friend, and then tell me you’ve always felt more for me…the night before you fucking leave! You don’t get to make me feel guilty for you joining the army because I have some kind of magical hold over you. That’s total bullshit and it’s not fair!” God. This could not be happening.

  “Not fair? You think this has been easy for me? Especially the last four months? When we’ve been together all the damn time because I couldn’t stay the hell away from you? And I had to act like it’s not fucking killing me when you look at me like your world would be perfect if I just kissed you.”

  Infuriated, I slapped my hands on his chest and shoved him. “The only thing you can kiss, Boone West, is my ass.” I spun around and considered kicking over his stupid bike as I skirted the back end of my car. Jerk. Asshole. Jerkoff. Asshat. He wanted to leave me? Fine. He could just go. I’d be better off.

  Such a fucking liar you are, Sierra.

  “So that’s it?” Boone shouted. “That’s how you’re gonna say goodbye to me?”

  I whipped a U-turn and marched back up to him. “How did you expect I’d say goodbye? Strip my clothes off and let you take my virginity in a field of wildflowers under a full moon? Screw that. I’m saving my virginity for someone who deserves it. And. That. Is. Not. You.” I punctuated each word with a poke on his hard chest.

  Boone said, “You do that,” in a throaty rasp I’d never heard from him. “In the meantime, I’m taking this.” He wrapped one hand around the back of my neck and clamped the other on my butt, pulling me in for a kiss.

  I should’ve shoved him away. But his kiss was like a drug. Intense, determined, amazingly seductive, as if he was trying to convince me that his passion for me was—and always had been—real. That he’d been imagining this kiss for as long as I had. That he’d wanted it as much. Our mouths and tongues clashed and I slipped my arms around his waist, my hands clutching his shirt as if that could keep him here.

  The kiss was beyond anything I’d ever experienced. Rough and sexy, bringing alive things inside me that I’d heard about but had never felt.

  Then Boone slowed it down. The kiss became soft. An unhurried tease, as if we had all the time in the world to explore. To learn each other.

  But we didn’t. By this time tomorrow, he’d be gone.

  I kept kissing him even as my tears fell.

  Then Boone’s hands were on my face, trying to wipe away the moisture.

  He moved his mouth back; I felt his lips against mine and his breath in my mouth as he whispered, “Sierra. Baby, please don’t cry.” He planted tender smooches on my trembling lips. His mouth wandered down my neck and my entire body erupted in goose flesh. He nuzzled the sweep of my shoulder and stopped, breathing against my skin.

  I had to bite my lip to keep from sobbing when he strung soft kisses along my collarbone, right where the injury from the car accident had hurt the most. But that pain was nothing compared to the pain I felt now.

  Boone entwined his fingers in my hair and tipped my head back. His beautiful eyes were dark with remorse and something else, something that made my pulse quicken. “I knew it’d be like this between us.”

  “But it’s still not enough.”

  He didn’t
answer. He just consumed my mouth again.

  While kissing him was better than I’d dreamed, it still felt like someone was stabbing me in the gut with a rusty knife as Boone took the kiss deeper, until I feared I’d never get out.

  I broke away first, resting my forehead to his.

  “Sierra—”

  “Don’t say anything.”

  We stayed like that for a long time. Not looking at each other, clinging to each other, so close but so far apart.

  I whispered, “I have to go.”

  “Not like this.”

  “There’s no other way. This was your choice.”

  He placed one last soft kiss on my lips.

  I pulled away from him. “Goodbye, Boone.”

  “See you around, McKay.”

  I hadn’t looked back. Not once. Not even in the rearview mirror when I bumped over the cattle guard.

  I just drove away.

  And for the first time, in a long time, when I thought of that night? It wasn’t as painful.

  Maybe being older helped.

  Maybe the passage of time helped.

  Or maybe the fact Boone was back in my life again made all the difference.

  With that surprising, comforting thought in mind, I finally fell asleep.

  Two obnoxiously loud knocks sounded on my bedroom door Saturday night.

  I didn’t have time to dive into my closet before Lu burst in and said, “Sierra! What the hell? Get ready for the party.”

  “I’m not feeling it tonight, Lu.”

  “Bull. You’ll feel it if you get your ass outta bed and into something slutty like this.”

  My BFF had gone all out for the party. She’d tied the billowing ends of her low-cut poet’s shirt below her breasts, showcasing the flame tattoo around her navel above the plaid skirt. The rest of her outfit, fishnets and patent leather over-the-knee dominatrix boots, brought to mind Bavarian bar wenches. Despite the contrasting styles, I’d be damned if the outfit didn’t work. “You are da bomb, Lu.”

  “I know, right? So get up and slip on the mermaid dress.”